Author: Someone who has completed a piece of writing and has submitted it for public ridicule. A legitimate author publishes his work only on paper through the slavery system of a publishing house which requires a decade of effort on the author’s behalf for the privilege of attempting to sell a million copies in a three day period in order to be allowed to waste another decade of their life. All authors get paid a penny per copy sold. Successful authors are considered to be so by the virtue of luck; their claim of a decade plus of hard work is merely a cloak to hide the fact that they spent all their time watching television and eating bon-bons. Unsuccessful authors write in crayon and cannot even convince their mother to buy a copy of their book.
[All the Zealot's Dictionary definitions are available in a single ebook on Smashwords--just 99 cents. Remember if you buy it on Smashwords, you get access to all future expansions...because we know that new definitions are sure to happen simply because of human nature.]
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