You have to use the bacon

Bacon Sundaes, limited time only at Burger King.

One of the things that keeps me writing, despite the poor wages, is the fact that I used to work at Burger King (a place that my wife forbids me to even think about applying to for a job--she must love me). Having worked there, occasionally I cannot help shaking my head when I see one of their commericals or new product ideas.

Really, a bacon sundae?!

Let me guess, it was a boring shift. The employees had used up all the destructive possibilities that pickles can provide (tossing them in the deep fat fryer, running them through the broiler, trying to get them to stick to the ceiling) and they have moved onto the bacon. And the boss came in to discover that one of his employees had created a taste treat called a bacon sundae...must call corporate with that idea because America is not fat enourgh already.

Yes, I know that bacon makes everything better. Provided that it is real bacon. What Burger King has might be real bacon...provided that you are trapped on a spaceship going to Mars. Oh wait, the Earth-Mars run would use Vegan-Bacon or maybe Algae-Bacon. Burger King bacon is Vogon bacon, right up there with their poetry, made fresh in a microwave for your heart's pleasure. Or is that your impeding heart attack.

Sorry, I still sound bitter, don't I? Really, I should be nicer. After all, it was at Burger King where I first started to write greeting card slogans (some I actually sold) and other bits of "Please pay me, so I can get out of this boring job" writing. That is what happens after you use up all the destructive potential of bacon, you start to write...maybe that is just in my little universe.

Clarification of my job skills

Just a quick note to make something clear: When I say that I am not qualified for anything outside of flipping burgers or supervising people flipping burgers, I am actually saying that I don't have a piece of paper that says that I am quailified for anything else (aka the lambskin that the university gives you saying that you have an education and are programmed to jump though administrative hoops while sitting still). It does not matter what type of skills, management or otherwise I have, without that piece of paper, it is like having none. Of course, that is like saying that because I have not gotten published by a big publisher that I have no skills as a writer.

Where would we be if we did not have our gatekeepers keeping the riff-raff out?