Author (Zealot's Dictionary)

Author: Someone who has completed a piece of writing and has submitted it for public ridicule. A legitimate author publishes his work only on paper through the slavery system of a publishing house which requires a decade of effort on the author’s behalf for the privilege of attempting to sell a million copies in a three day period in order to be allowed to waste another decade of their life. All authors get paid a penny per copy sold. Successful authors are considered to be so by the virtue of luck; their claim of a decade plus of hard work is merely a cloak to hide the fact that they spent all their time watching television and eating bon-bons. Unsuccessful authors write in crayon and cannot even convince their mother to buy a copy of their book.

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