Happy Chinese Buddha selfie (Prophets Visit Art Series)

Continuing my art series, Prophets Visit--in this shot, we see Chinese Buddha taking a selfie with a statue of himself....because that is what Happy Buddha would do.

Yay! It is me being sexy!

You can follow the whole series on DeviantArt.

After the censorship dust clears (not safe for work)

Woke up this morning feeling depressed and generally down (am I wasting my time as a writer?), so I decided to head over to Kobo and see the current damage.

Now for those who somehow missed it, a couple of weeks ago, the number one British tabloid of a paper (ok, maybe not number one...but I am not happy with them at the moment) did a big story a couple of weeks ago about how WHSmith's website had nasty erotica books on it--in the forbidden categories of incest fantasy, bestiality fantasy, and rape fantasy. Furthermore, these could all be found in searches involving children books (such as searches for the word "Daddy"), therefore they invoked the fourth forbidden category of "underage."

Will no one think of the children? Well, why are your children online unsupervised in the first place?!

For those people keeping track, these are the same categories that Paypal threw a fit over a couple of years ago. And they did it in such a way that the pseudo-versions of these things were also going to be banned. By the way, the underage category was viewed to include anyone below the age of twenty-one...(meanwhile the age of consent in Vatican City is twelve), bestiality to include two werewolves doing it, and incest to include the hot "as young/old as you are" step-mother (who is not even remotely biologically related to you).

As the regular readers of this blog know, I write erotica. It was the first type of fiction that I realized someone was getting a check for, and I do it for the money. Bottom line, erotica--including one of the forbidden categories--pays better than my other writing does (and better than flipping burgers does a lot of the time). There is a reason that 28.57% of self-published books are erotica. Furthermore, there is a reason that 3.19% of said erotica is bestiality fantasy, and 6.65% is incest fantasy (that one in ten self-published erotica books which contain either bestiality or incest). Quite simply, they make money.

Really? These are still ok?!

WHSmith's response to the news? They took down the entire website, and stated that they were going to remove all self-published works until they have been looked at by a real human being. Kobo (a supplier of WHSmith) also went though their stacks with a chainsaw.

(One of the funniest moments of this whole mess was Mark Coker talking about installing a "not safe for Apple/Kobo setting--as if any of us know what is unsafe to Apple; I have had ebooks get though that shouldn't have, and things rejected that was vanilla sex only. Besides, the channel manager on Smashwords already allows you to avoid distributing to these outlets if you think that your work is not going to be accepted--so we need a special setting--why?!)

So the damage to my stock? Well, I still have four erotica items up...only one of which ever sells any copies. Basically, they destroyed my entire money-making ebook stock in the purge.

In the meantime, there are still items such as Teacher Knows Best (which I discovered while looking for a friend's work) which are still up. Why is that one safe? (Unless they have not looked at it yet...a possibility considering that I had one more item up on Kobo during the weekend.) I am guessing that it involves sex among a teacher and college students, and not high school students.

(This guess is based on the fact that Double Stuffing the Teacher is still up--it is my artwork on the cover--the publisher also has one of my flash erotica stories...where was I? Oh yeah, that one involves college age sex, but their high school sex story has been taken down. Yes, I was also searching for a client's work--I would like to continue doing artwork for the one erotica publisher that buys artwork from me. And yes, that is a Smashwords link...because I do not trust Kobo to leave it up. Again, it is about the money...I got paid to do a few erotica book covers.)

So in the end, where is the erotica market headed? I am guessing vanilla sex stories with vanilla titles and vanilla covers and descriptions. Yep, that is right--Fifty Shades of Gray (Grey) is the archetype of the future of erotica. Unless the customers realize that they can go to Smashwords and buy the racier stuff...which could happen.

As for myself, I am going to continue drawing bad covers for another erotic writer/publisher as long as they continue to do such things, and do the occasional story myself...because until they make it illegal to write and draw such things, I have to stay where the money is...because I really do not want to go back to flipping burgers.

Been a little disgruntled and feeling troll blue

Disgruntled Turtle Monkey knows how I feel. 

I have been feeling a little disgruntled lately. And a little blue because one of the trolls in the parade has started to foam at the mouth again. Yes, I am not famous yet--but I already have troll parade of mean little haters to remind me that I am worth less than a bagful of stink bugs. I just wonder how they would react if I actually became wildly successful.

It wouldn't be so bad if the troll did not leap to conclusions. They have absolutely no idea of the local job market, nor do they have any idea what I am actually working on (the joys of working under numerous names--many which are secret). What they do know is that I am unfit to be a writer...because...lack of information...lack of nice thoughts...they are related to Little Ape...who knows what their actual problem is.

I just hope that what they think about me (worthless writer, etc.) helps them sleep at night. Because all it is doing on my end is reminding me that I live for pure spite--I had a really good art day last week, all because of their comments. Keep up the good work troll--keep telling people that I am worthless and mentally ill; it just makes me work harder to prove you wrong...or look for something crawly to throw at you.

And remember, dear troll, that the best way to annoy me is to tell everyone you know not to buy the pagan friendly children book series that I am helping to create--aka Turtle Monkey--in fact, line up your friends with picket signs and scream at the top of your lungs that I am a very evil man. After all, the whole point is to make sure that I never become more successful than you are; it is what you must accomplish--the complete and utter crushing of my little monkey dreams.

[Update: July 2013: Due to differences in sales expectations and business philosophy, in early July 2013, I ceased to be involved in the Turtle Monkey project.]

Children are already reading this?!

Censored to make the ex-partner feel happy and secure.

Learned today from my co-creator, J. M. Monkie, that school children are already reading this ebook. And yes, it surprised me--we haven't done our official launch yet. But it is all good. Heavens knows that I need the reassurance that we have an audience for this project.

Why do I need reassurance? Because I am the artist for this project.

Yes, that is right--I said that I am the artist.

Not the writer. But the artist.

Talk about expanding my horizons. I am deep in a zone that is untested waters for me.

Now, I have done artwork off and on for over thirty years. I even thought about going to art school (Colorado Institute of Art--nowdays, it is called The Art Institute of Colorado). Couldn't because I did not qualify for Federal student loans at the time (I did not have my GED yet). And I am glad that I didn't because it probably would have been a waste of money (nothing like an instructor at the Institute looking at your artwork and telling you to save your money because you can learn everything that you need to know on your own).

About a year and a half ago, when I retooled my business (went from focusing on the print market to focusing on the ebook market), I pulled out my drawing board. I needed some ebook covers, and I had no cash to buy any. So yes, I cobbled together a few covers for the erotica market.

(Yes, it is strange that an erotic writer is also the illustrator of a children book series. But trust me, I have heard stranger true stories.)

Then last year, I needed some Tarot pictures for another blog I write. So I did the pictures for that...ended up with monkeys in my Tarot cards. And that is how the writer of the Turtle Monkey series discovered my artwork, and decided that I was the perfect artist to do the illustrations.

She is confident that I can do the artwork; it is me that needs the reassurance.

So today is a red letter day for me--some school children are already enjoying the Turtle Monkey series. I guess that makes me a professional artist as well as a professional writer. (Hey, if I earn money doing it that makes me a professional--degree or no degree.)

[Shameless self-promotion: Meet Turtle Monkey, the first book in the Turtle Monkey series is available on Barnes and Noble.]

[Update: July 2013: Due to differences in sales expectations and business philosophy, in early July 2013, I ceased to be involved in the Turtle Monkey project.]

How I ended up doing artwork

Hot dogs and alien women--it is going to be one of those weird stories, isn't it?

Besides being a writer, and a photographer of pottery, lately I have also been doing some artwork for a pagan/Wiccan friendly children book series. Now, I will admit that it mystifies me how that happened.

For one thing, I do not have any formal art teaching--or at least, no education beyond an art class that I failed in high school (me and the teacher did not get along very well). Oh, I did take three continuing education classes at the Colorado Institute of Art, but I do not think that they actually count.

In other words, any skill as an artist that I might have was self-taught and developed.

For me, art has always been a hobby. Something to do on a job when I was busy twiddling my fingers. Yes, I know the restaurant rule "If you have time to lean, you have time to clean." No one actually does that unless there is an inspection coming up within the next couple of days.

The only art that I have done "professionally" before the current project is that I have done some of my ebook covers. Why? Because I started writing ebooks while in university (where I did not take a single art class)--even a twenty dollar photo was beyond the limits of my starting budget.

And that is what landed me the gig of doing children book art--my own cover art for erotica short stories. Scary, isn't it?

Even scarier (at least to me) is the fact that I am only about a week away from the first ebook of the series (Turtle Monkey) being uploaded to Smashwords. We are about to see if customers accept me as a children book artist.

I will admit that if the ebooks sell well, I will be even more mystified. After all, it is not like I am a real artist with actual training. No, all I have is the heart of a child and a big box of colored pencils.

What an art day is like for me

Art?! No, this lap is made for Kitty.

First, one cat decides that my lap is not meant to be used for an art pad.

Can I eat these?

Then another cat debates eating my color pencils.

My turn in the art area.

Then a third cat decides that my lap and attention is better focused on a kitty.

At least, I am making some progress.

But despite it all, I swear that I am making some progress on some artwork.

Why you want to hire a real artist to do your illustrations

And I learned here that my cheap crayons are better than some of my oil pastels. 

Looking around the vast regions of ebooks being published, one cannot help noticing the artwork of the book covers being trotted out. In some case, the artwork is like "Wow--who is the artist? I so want them on my team." And in other cases, it is "God, I hope that you did the artwork yourself because you paid too much otherwise."

There are reasons to hire a real artist even if you can draw a straight line and/or modify photos in Photoshop. Just like there is a whole bunch of rough drafts and technical knowledge involved in being a writer (also applies to formatters, social media pros, and editors...perhaps even publishers), there is also a whole bunch of technical knowledge and puttering around involved with being an artist.

Just take for instance, the technical knowledge of various art materials. Oil pastels sound so much better than colored pencils, don't they?

But in practice, you could end up with a piece of bad art like the above development piece. It turns out that some oil pastels are worse than the cheapest box of crayons.

Oh, maybe you say it is just a bad artist. Ok, the blue scary monster below is by the exact same artist using the exact same paper. The difference? Oh, he used colored pencils instead.

Of course, to figure out that colored pencils are a better option (at least, compared to this particular set of oil pastels), he had to spend some time doing a rough piece of artwork. This is why artists do not necessarily work at the speed that one thinks that they should.

And if you do not want to spend a lot of time developing your art talent and learning a lot of stuff about various art materials, yet want decent artwork, you are better off hiring a professional artist.

Same artist, same paper, different medium. 

The original pencil sketch (changed color filter for contrast).

How is my business going? (Q3 2012)

Every once in awhile, I get asked the question, "How is your business doing?" or some variation, such as "How are ebooks working out for you?"

Now, at the moment, this question is actually hard to answer. To understand why, one must realize that my business underwent a couple of changes last year--and a major change this year.

One of the changes that happened last year was that I actually started to do a certain amount of photography and advertising for another business, Celtic Soul Jewelry and Pottery, my wife's pottery business. I have been doing photography for her off and on for several years, but it was for record keeping. The current set of photos are actually for sale purposes.

One of the things that changed my approach was the simple fact that I brought a better camera--something that I was required to have when I was still working for the school newspaper. The old camera was hers; this one is MINE. My wife and one of our friends have made the comment on occasion that it is like I was born with a camera in my hand.

The reason that my photography style had to change was the fact that she started selling pottery and jewelry online (after years of me saying that she should do so). But the change in style has meant that in the future I will be using several of my own photos as cover art.

It is only a matter of time before I start seriously freelancing on that front. And yes, my wife is paying me to do photography and advertising for her. Therefore, I have to consider that part of my current business model--and that is completely brand new.

The other change which happened last year was that I switched from the print market as a writer to the ebook market. This happened in October. It was such a major change that I consider my current writing business to be a new business, and not a continution of my print market efforts (which I started to submit to in 1985).

Now, as the writers who read this blog know, the ebook market is only about five years old, and really did not start picking up speed until 2010. The newness of the ebook market and my recent entry in it means that I am still trying to collect a full set of initial numbers to base my answer on...and my decisions.

(For the record, the section of the print market that I made the most money in was gutted by the internet--it is only now that the internet and ereaders have provided a replacement for that market.)

These two changes by themselves make it hard to figure out how my business is doing. Essentially, it is a new business. By the standard of my old freelance days, I doing better than I was. Unfortunately, the major change that happened just a few months ago makes it look like my business is doing really bad.

Basically, my business has became my sole source of income (outside of the occasional Tarot reading and other odd job).

During my time in college, I relied upon student loans to make ends met. But that is no longer an option for me. I graduated this spring with two Bachelor degrees: Hitory and Literary Studies. While I do intend to go back for a Masters in at least one of these subjects, it was decided that I am going to wait until my wife finishes her Masters in Education for the Linguistically Diverse (think ESL) before going back to school.

Now, let's be honest--the job market s***s, and unemployment will not drop to 7% until 2014 by the best estimates. So my degrees combined with twenty years of food service would get me a job in...food service, if I was lucky.

Therefore, the decision was made because of the job market and a strange bounce that one of my ebooks did (it is performing really well compared to the others) that I would focus on building my business until my re-entry into college (technically, it will be university).

Another factor that makes it hard to figure out how well my business is doing is the simple fact that I was burnt out terribly by the last two semesters (back to back capstone Senior Seminars). I had a hard time getting my act and cranking out the writing.

The cherry on top of all this doubt and non-informationis the fact that I am starting to do artwork, editing, and formating for other writers...and calling it publishing (because I am going to collect a percentage). And that is also completely new for me.

So really at the moment, I am incapable of answering the question of "How is your business going?" This quarter will be better than the last quarter (if my estimate is correct), as has been the last two quarters, and the next quarter should be better than this one. But that is about all I know until I spend some more time working at it.