Dear Windows Update

I would like to say a few words to the people in the Windows Update department...with a stick. Tonight's update took a half hour. Then when I restarted the computer, eight programs encountered problems and had to restart...including my anti-virus program. I ended having to restart after the restart...when it was all cut and done, this is an hour of my life I am not getting back. And to think I actually thought that I was going to get some writing done tonight. Windows Update...you suck.

Such a descriptive program name

Sometimes, I wonder who comes up with the names for various computer programs. For instance, last night when I was updating the dino-computer (something I have to do because my wife knows nothing about updating any of the computers), I was looking though the list of Windows updates that were being installed.

There were the numerous security updates (which for some reason makes me question the overall security of Microsoft products), the Malicious Software Removal Tool update (a tool I have only used once and hope never to have to use ever again), and the Microsoft Office Outlook 2003 Junk Mail Filter update (I have never actually used Outlook ever---or at least, I don't think I have).

But the update that got my attention was Rollup for ActiveX Killbits for Windows (version does not matter---three computers, three different versions were updated by the time I was done).

What is Rollup? (It sounds like something that we used to do with the sidewalks in Brush Colorado...too harsh on a simple small town?)

What is ActiveX? (Is that better than ActiveW?)

And what is Killbits? (Is there a guy out there by the name of Bits who needs to be killed? Will Uma Thurman succeed? Do they have a kid?)

I am not sure what Killbits is, but I really like the sound of the program name. Don't mess with me; I am armed with Killbits.

Oh goody It is Windows update day!

Oh goody. It is update day. The joy of Microsoft Windows updates swells my heart as I look at the little icon on the bottom of the screen telling me that it is time to obey and install the latest updates to my computer.

Maybe if it was just one computer, I would not dread this so much. But I have three computers that I have to update. So that is three computers that I have to click "Yes, I am ready for you to attempt to destory my computer." Oh wait, it is not meant to destory my computer. It is an unfortunate accident if the update causes my computer to do weird things afterwards.

And maybe I would be less annoyed if I was not trying to actually work today. My livelihood depends upon me sitting in front of a keyboard, punching sentences in. But no, we must break the flow of the writing to install the update.

Who knows how many updates? And how many restarts?

And will my anti-virus program decide that the updates are actually viruses? It could happen. Ahh yes, it makes you glad that it is Windows update day, doesn't it?